Hot Fuzz


Is a Brazilian now standard issue for teenagers? Stop the madness, says 19-year- old Louise Jones

I was 15 when I saw my first porn-style muff in real life. A group of us gathered around Olivia, our pubic pioneer, at the back of the school fields, she pulled down her knickers and we had a good look.


“Did you ask to have it in that little strip?
She shrugged. “It’s just how people have it, apparently.” And that, really, was all it took.


Until then, none of us had really thought about doing anything with our pubic hair. I mean, we’d all seen women in the movies – adult and otherwise – with their amazing bodies, slim and smooth like Barbie dolls, but we knew that wasn’t real life.


Except that now, it was. Olivia’s pubic precedent meant that soon we were all at it – tidying, trimming, shaping and before long, shaving the lot off.


At the time, we thought nothing of it. It was like dealing with any sign of puberty. Tits – buy a bra. Periods – learn to use tampons. Pubes – get rid.


It’s only now I think about what numpties we were. Getting rid of your muff is not like buying underwear that’s needed to support the new protuberances that have sprung up overnight and allow you to run again without worrying that you’re going to put someone’s eye out. And it’s not like mastering a skill that enables you to minimise the effects of a new bodily process that would otherwise incapacitate you in various ways every month. It is removing something perfectly natural that is not interfering with your daily life in any way.


We had no one to please but ourselves. We weren’t having sex nor having to show anyone our fannies for smear tests. Why were we spending money and time on hurting ourselves instead of embracing this new bodily addition and bonding with it over a few biscuits and a Zac Efron DVD?


I did it because my friends were doing it. My friends did it because porn was doing it. But porn is fake, and hair down there is a sign of maturity. It’s natural. You’re growing up, and that’s great. Nothing represents how your muff should look but the natural hair naturally growing into your natural muff naturally. Have I mentioned that pubic hair is natural? We’ve grown up from the monkey-see-monkey-do approach. The only monkeying around that should be going on here is the one growing in your pants. And everyone loves a little furry monkey.


Louise Jones is a blogger and young adult columnist on

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